Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love

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Disrespectful judgment occurs whenever we try to impose our beliefs on our spouses—for instance, our political views or conspiracy theories on our mates. Other forms of disrespectful judgment include giving lectures or ridiculing our mates. Also, talking too much or preventing others from speaking up is very rude.

Since Love Busters usually make you feel good while your spouse feels bad, the one best able to identify them is your spouse. Similarly, you are in the best position to identify your spouse's Love Busters. Acts of anger include ridicule, sarcasm, punishment, threatening or physical violence. There is nothing to gain from rage. SolutionLove Busters is heterocentric, and perpetuates old and tired stereotypes of gender essentialism. It advocates complete honesty, that a couple must enthusiastically agree on everything (including the wife asking for help with the dishes), no independent behaviour, and if you have any habits your partner dislikes you must change. The fourth Love Buster, Dishonesty, causes massive Love Bank withdrawals whenever it's discovered. And spouses usually discover each other's dishonesty because of their emotional closeness to each other. If you or your spouse have a tendency to lie or distort the truth, chase that bad habit out of your marriage before it ruins everything. Dishonesty may “numb” some of our pain, but it compounds it later. The truth usually comes out eventually. The time of hiding the truth creates an emotional barrier and destroys trust. Solution To create and sustain compatibility, you must practise radical honesty. It would be best if you came clean about your personal history, daily activities and plans for the future. Communicating your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, and dislikes is advisable. Dishonesty is the strangest of the five love busters and the hardest to sort out. It strangles compatibility.

As a love buster, disrespectful judgements breed unhappiness, disagreement and conflicts.Therefore, you could sabotage your marriage if you regularly disrespect your spouse. Solution Before you complete these questionnaires, you should be familiar with the description of Love Busters. One of the most important consequences of our emotional isolation is that we cannot feel the way we affect others. And that creates the temptation to hurt others because in doing so we don't feel the pain we cause. If we were connected emotionally to others as the aliens were, we would be far less tempted to do anything thoughtless, gaining at someone else's expense. That's because in so doing, we would be hurting ourselves as well. Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the proper purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Aristotle Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal. Louis K AnspacherLove busters are habits that cause conflicts and loss of empathy in unions. Also, they are controlling and abusive practices, increasing divorce chances. Love buster 1: Selfish demands

The one part that I found really strong and actually useful is on the topic of angry outbursts, which the author correctly calls out for being abusive and incredibly damaging. The suggestions on how to work through it seems solid, but I was disappointed that there wasn't any real discussion on what to do if your partner is the one with the angry outbursts. But when you indulge in these three Love Busters, you do more than fail to get what you need — you also destroy the love your spouse has for you. All of these instincts, and the habits they help create, cause your spouse to be unhappy, and that causes Love Bank withdrawals. Dr. Harley earned a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. For the first ten years after earning his degree, he taught psychology at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. During those years, he was also a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples. Respectful persuasion is the better option. It means making efforts to reason with your partner’s opinions. Even when you disagree with their viewpoint, you should do so with respect. Practise effective communication by listening attentively and sharing ideas with your partner. Don’t jump to the conclusion that your partner’s opinion is wrong. Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar WildeWhen was the last time your spouse did something that annoyed you? Annoying habits don’t seem all that important — but they still drive us crazy! But when our behaviour annoys others, we tend to downplay the whole problem.

The love you and your spouse have for each other is directly affected by almost all of your behavior. This is a point that I will repeat in most of my remaining concepts and Q&A columns. You are either making Love Bank deposits or withdrawals whenever you do anything. When you do something that makes your spouse happy, you're making a deposit. But when you do something that makes your spouse unhappy, you're making a withdrawal.

Love Busters…

Love Busters are your habits that cause your spouse to be unhappy. Whenever you engage in one of them, you withdraw love units from your Love Bank account. We cannot love someone effectively until we know them well. That takes time and it also takes some focused attention and conscious effort. It’s more than just knowing what their favourite food is, or where they went to school. We need to know what their Love Needs and Love Busters are. Love Needs…